Keeping Track

As I float through the haze of my second maternity leave, I am struggling to maintain perspective. I'm reminded of a great quote I read somewhere: the days are long, but the years are short. And I think that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I look back on the five plus years that have seemingly flashed before our very eyes since our first daughter, R, came into the picture and yes, while it seems like I've only just blinked and here we are, I know the truth: there have been countless days and endless nights when I thought time, in its inexplicable wickedness, had literally stood still. Just for me. And yet, in a split second, here we are. It's life's biggest insult, really; time waits for nobody... except in the moments when you don't want it to.

You know those moments. They're the awful ones. The nights when your one year old is battling pneumonic coughing fits and high fevers. The days when your toddler screams and screams and screams... and screams... and bites and kicks and hits for no good reason at all, or, for every reason under the sun. The temper tantrums at bedtime. The anxiety attacks at every drop-off at daycare. All of these and so many, many more.

And the thing is, I know these moments don't literally last forever. But, in the throes of the chaos of parenting, no matter how much you try to rationalize and look back and maintain perspective, the truth is this: the days are long... but, the years are so very short.

Parenting is tough. Parenting babies is extra tough. Oh, of course, there are many moments of glory and peace and true, utter joy. But, on the whole, it's a lot of hard work and lack of sleep. And definitely a lack of appreciation. 

So, I am setting up this blog to try to remind myself of the truths of parenting. I am going to record the moments of joy and be honest about the moments that seem to alter the illusion that time is fixed.

I plan to use this blog to remind myself that parenting is neither the perfect pictures I see on Pinterest, nor is it the messy and brutal images I get from "real mom" blogs. It is a very normal combination of the two. And, more than anything, even in those long, awful moments, it is fleeting. Because I know I'll wake up tomorrow and my girls will be out on their own. And I'll think back on all these "awful" moments and, ironically, will be willing to give anything just to go right back here.